


Matilda

by curiouscorvid (prometheanTactician)



Category: Batman - All Media Types
Genre: Cute, Fluff, Gen, M/M, Self-Indulgent
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-14
Updated: 2017-11-14
Packaged: 2019-02-02 14:18:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,618
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12728211
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/prometheanTactician/pseuds/curiouscorvid
Summary: “So here’s a riddle for you!” The announcement was met with quiet sobs and flinches. Everyone in Gotham knew what happened to people who failed the Riddler’s games. “What has cities but no houses, forests but no trees, water but no fish?”There was silence as some of the people thought over the riddle, but most were too scared to think straight. Moments went by and slowly the Riddler’s grin faded into a disappointed frown. He scoffed, his seemingly good mood utterly ruined by the lack of any sort of answer. Then a very small voice spoke up.“A map.”





	Matilda

**Author's Note:**

> this is very dumb and very silly and very self-indulgent lol  
> mostly just a fun thing i wrote in downtime

“It’s quite simple, really.” The Riddler announced, gesturing grandly at a large puzzle that did not seem simple at all. “If any of you have two brain cells to rub together.” He leaned on his cane, looking smug as could be as he took in the cowering masses before him. He didn’t usually bother with hostages, but tonight wasn’t his heist. He was providing a distraction for his allies and testing out a lesser version of a new deathtrap. It was more for fun than anything else.

The bank was on complete lockdown. The tellers were made to huddle with the general populace, cell phones were rendered useless by a small device in his cane. Hopefully he could keep this all quiet long enough for the others to do what they needed to, and for Jon to provide an opening for Edward’s escape.

“Any takers? No?” No one moved, simply gazing up at him in terror. He didn’t know why Jon enjoyed that. He just found it infuriating. “Well. Maybe you just need a warm up, hm? God knows none of you do enough to keep your brains active.” He was clearly mocking them, smiling condescendingly.

“So here’s a riddle for you!” The announcement was met with quiet sobs and flinches. Everyone in Gotham knew what happened to people who failed the Riddler’s games. “What has cities but no houses, forests but no trees, water but no fish?”

There was silence as some of the people thought over the riddle, but most were too scared to think straight. Moments went by and slowly the Riddler’s grin faded into a disappointed frown. He scoffed, his seemingly good mood utterly ruined by the lack of any sort of answer. Then a very small voice spoke up.

“A map.”

Everyone in the bank froze, except for a mother who was frantically shushing the child who had spoken. But it was too late. The Riddler whirled around to face the source of the answer. A little girl, maybe seven years old, with a ribbon in her hair and blue dress that looked to be a hand-me-down. She met his gaze with unflinching brown eyes, so certain in her answer but still shining with a hope he was familiar with. The hope that someone would recognize her intellect.

“That’s exactly right.” His good mood had apparently returned. “You like riddles?”

“I like anything that makes me think.”

“Well! Color me impressed. You already showed up every adult here!” He gestured to the cowering mess of people around her, and she smiled a bit at the compliment. Riddler knelt down on his good knee, speaking in a gentle but excited tone. The sort of voice people used just for children.

“What belongs to you, but others use it more often than you do?”

She thought about it for a moment, looking up at the high ceiling of the bank, rocking on the balls of her feet.

“A name.” She nodded, pleased with her final answer after just a few seconds. Edward was absolutely delighted.

“That’s right! And what’s yours?”

“Matt! It’s short for Matilda.”

“That’s a wonderful name. Have you read the book?” She nodded excitedly.

“It’s one of my favourites.”

“Mine too.” He laughed, absolutely charmed by this little genius. “Do you know my name?”

“I know you’re the Riddler, but that’s it.”

“It’s Edward. Come here, won’t you?” He held out a hand and she walked forward without fear, even as her mother called for her to come back. Edward just looked past the girl at her distressed parents. “I wish her no harm. You have a brilliant child here, Gotham needs more people like her.”

Somehow, they didn’t seem reassured.

“Do you like puzzles, Matt?” He asked, leading her over to the miniature deathtrap. He heard gasps and cries behind them, but he ignored them, moving around the puzzle to disable the consequence for losing.

“I love puzzles. Especially hard ones.”

“So do I! This one might be a bit challenging, but just try your best, okay?” With the consequences deactivated, the miniature trap was… basically just a normal puzzle box. He handed it to her as they both sat on the floor, his henchmen making sure the grown ups did not use the opportunity to run. Edward watched in delight as the girl turned the box over in her hands, regarding each side carefully. He could almost see the wheels in her head turning, connecting different thoughts and working out possible solutions.

She started well, and her efforts were promising, but she didn’t quite manage it. The box beeped at her, glowing red, and then reset. She frowned down at it, shoulders slumped.

“Hey now, it’s okay. You got much farther than anyone else has. You almost had it.” He reassured, and she looked up at him in surprise. “Go on. Try again.”

After some gentle encouragement, determination set in her eyes and she tried it again. Bit by bit, her small hands slid the pieces into place, solved the codes and hidden puzzles. She even found the bonus compartment which held a very small diamond. He’d put that there just because he was certain nobody would be able to open it.

The box glowed green and sang a little victory jingle. The girl looked up at him, smiling widely, diamond in one hand and box in the other.

“You did it! A brilliant job, Matt!” He congratulated her, then looked back to her mother sternly. “You’ve been given a very precious gift. I certainly hope you appreciate her.” The woman just stared at him, wide eyed. Everyone seemed rather shocked at what they’d just seen.

His phone went off in his pocket.

[Received, 4:52pm]

>Job’s done. Bat is on the way. ETA 45 seconds. The toxin will be dispersed when he arrives. Be gone before then.

What a thoughtful boyfriend, giving him a heads up before flooding the building with a dangerous toxin. He looked up from his phone to the girl's mother.

“You.” He waved her over, and his henchmen took her by the arms, leading her over. Edward and Matilda both stood, Edward fixing his suit and Matilda dusting off her dress. “Take her and go. Get as far from here as possible.” He nudged the little girl towards her mother, who immediately clutched her close and nodded. She wasted no time, scooping up her little girl and running for the door.

Matilda waved goodbye over her mother’s shoulder, with a hand that had been almost too small to hold the puzzle box properly. So young and so smart. Edward felt oddly choked up.

“Right then.” He cleared his throat, addressing his employees. “Stay here, won’t you boys? I have something to attend to.” He was counting the seconds in his head as he addressed his henchmen, strolling unbothered out the door. He reached the car just as the screaming started, snickering to himself as he slid into the passenger seat.

“What’s so funny?” Jonathan asked from the driver’s side, speeding down the road quickly.

“Just remembering how cute you are when you watch the effects of your toxin.” Edward told him, only half teasing. Jon shot him a side-on glare.

“I am not cute.”

“Well, I suppose I’m biased.” He leaned over and kissed Jonathan’s cheek. The older man just raised an eyebrow as Edward leaned back in his chair, grinning like an idiot.

“You’re in an… unsettlingly chipper mood.”

“Someone solved my puzzle box, and my riddles.” He explained. “A little girl. Very young and very smart.” He took out his phone, looking something up quickly. “I’m going to wire some money to her family, I think. Make sure she has the means to get somewhere. She certainly has the brains for it.”

“I didn’t know you liked children.”

“I’m not overly fond of how messy and loud they are, but I don’t hate them. She was very sweet. If I ever-” He stopped short, spacing out for a moment, eyes somewhere far away. “If I ever had one, I’d want them to be like her.” There was a pause before he blinked rapidly, coming back to himself with a shake of his head. “Regardless, I remember what it was like to be that young and that smart, yet never taken seriously. If I can help her, then I will.”

“...Edward?”

“Hm?”

“I think a child like that would… do well, with you as their parent.” There was silence as Edward regarded his partner, smiling sadly.

“...I like to think I would. I like to think I’d be everything I never had. She would want for nothing…” He took a breath, only mildly shaky. “Someone else would have to help with homework though. I haven’t the patience and I know it.”

“Luckily for you, I was a teacher.” Jonathan reminded him gently, the implication of that statement not lost on Edward. In this fantasy hypothetical scenario… Jon would still be there with him.

“Did you ever…?”

“...I can’t say I’ve never… entertained the thought. But I know that, in this life, I would make no fit parent. The noise alone…” He cringed at the very thought.

“I know what you mean.” Edward sighed. The silence that followed was long, until Jonathan broke it.

“...Annabelle.”

“Hm?”

“The name I would have chosen. Annabelle for a girl, Allen for a boy.”

There was a moment of silence.

“Jonathan, those are _both_ Poe references-”

“Of course they are, Edward, you know me.” Jon cut him off irritably.

“...I like them, though. They’re nice.” He looked out the window, trying not to feel too morose and failing miserable. “Though, I must say… I rather like the name Matilda.”


End file.
